The One Big Sign Your Marriage Needs a Facelift, Literally - Crosswalk PLUS Marriage Devotional

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The One Big Sign Your Marriage Needs a Facelift, Literally
By Peyton Garland

“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” Proverbs 17:22

I’m married to a commercial pilot who is gone half of the year. He’s home two or three days, gone four or five. The back-and-forth of his ruthless schedule never ends.

Before kids, being by myself wasn’t quite so bad. Of course, I missed my husband, but now that we have a toddler and a newborn, it’s less of a romantic longing for him to be home. It’s more of a desperate, somewhat moody plea of “The diapers and sensory overload have done me in. Get home before I lock myself in a padded room!”

Needless to say, our marriage has taken a hit since having kids, as it does for most couples. Date nights are rare (and require us to pay for a sitter), conversations are constantly interrupted by meltdowns or demands for another round of Elmo’s “Happy Dance” song, and life feels less relational and much more routine.

This is why intentionality is crucial for marriage in such a life season—and any other hard or demanding season, for that matter.

I’ve only been married for a little over eight years, but my husband and I have lived through long-distance circumstances, close family deaths, job losses, scary health situations, and all the little things in between. We know the strains and stresses of navigating a fallen world and understand that the enemy attacks marriages, even when both parties truly love one another.

Thus, with experience on our side, I’d like to share one subtle, simple, but life-changing sign that your marriage could use a facelift (literally):

You don’t smile at one another anymore.

I heard this advice from one of those trending “grandma” social media accounts, where seniors share their wisdom from 60+ years of life. More often, these accounts offer funny content, featuring sassy grandmas in neon jogging suits and bug-eye glasses. But this particular grandma’s video was a bit more serious and straightforward. Sharing marriage advice, she reminded wives to smile at their husbands when they walk in the door.

Smiling not only releases serotonin, dopamine, and endorphins, spreading all sorts of happy chemicals through the body, but it lets your spouse know that their presence is known and welcomed.

As a newlywed, I waited at the door for my husband to get home. I was thrilled just to see him after a long day. However, parenthood, coupled with all of life’s other realities, too easily morphed my excitement into anxiety and frustration. Instead of smiles, my husband quickly received (and still often receives) my scowls and list of demands.

Smiling won’t always feel natural, but that’s the whole point of love. It doesn’t wait to feel good to do the selfless thing. It doesn’t wait for the other person to do the selfless thing first. It simply does what love does: it gives, regardless of the circumstances, feelings, and tally marks.

Give your marriage a facelift today by beaming at your spouse, and discover how a little can truly go a long way.

Let’s pray:

Father, thank you for the gift of marriage. Thank you that we are granted the privilege of practicing (though imperfectly) your love for your bride, the church. In seasons of hardship and hurt, embody us with your selflessness, sacrifice, and love.

Let us be the first ones to do what’s hard. Let us be the ones to break the silence and put the grudge to rest. Let us be forgiving, long-suffering, and ever ready to let our spouse know that they are seen, cherished, and celebrated.

As you smile on us, may we smile on our spouse. We are so, so grateful for your goodness, Lord God. Amen.

Questions:

Application Question: Do you easily hold a grudge, allowing resentment and bitterness to dictate how you communicate with your spouse? If so, take this struggle to the Lord and let Him soften your heart towards your spouse.

Challenge Question: Consider when you last smiled at your spouse simply because you wanted them to feel seen and loved. Has it been a while? Try giving them that smile today!

Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Ivanko Brnjakovic

Peyton Garland is an author, editor, and boy mama who lives in the beautiful foothills of East Tennessee. Subscribe to her blog Uncured+Okay for more encouragement.

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